now i know (why didn't i?)

didn't update yesterday cos i had no mood to. anyway i'll go through yesterday's events quickly. nothing much happened in school, other than jeff's stupid (but funny) stuff, like he thought the english teacher was our math teacher?! o wells. and... after reaching home i went online for a while, when all of a sudden don appeared at my door and brought me to greenlake. i was so so stunned, cos we never planned to go and i was planning to study for my quiz and do my chores. anyway we went there and yea the weather was lovely. but we only walked around and took pictures. mostly duck pictures... and.. i finally opened up everything on my mind to him. but his reaction was... quite disappointing. i guess he didn't quite get what i meant. but still after that he fulfilled my wish of having vanilla cookie-dough choc chip ice cream! *^ ^* and after that he sent me to school. good thing now i have the previous quarter's quiz paper and i skimmed through it (and the questions turned out to be similar), so the quiz was relatively easy. after that i went home early with yuli (cos we wanted to take the bus). anyway, don came to my place at around 9.30+ and i went to his place after that.

wells... don's unusually quiet this morning, and it seems as though he's in a really bad mood. and i feel that it's my fault. it seems so... since he's not telling me. i wondered what i did wrong. i mean, if it was what i said that upset him, then i guess he just have to accept it that... i have my own limits. but... seeing him that way... makes me feel very uneasy. even when i went to have lunch with X and went to alderwood mall to shop for a while i still felt uneasy. but, it made me realize that... the only reason why i 'don't like' him so far is because i'm just afraid that i'll be hurt --- he doesn't like me anyway. but... that also equals to... whenever i'm not thinking about it, i'm already starting to like him = which is why i still give in to him = i'm partly in denial if i say i don't like him 100% = i've really screwed up this time cos i'm not supposed to. oh how i wish God'll distract me or something. i don't want to hurt myself in this way. it's stupid. it's stupid to hurt yourself knowing it.