letter to myself.

yesterday was my cousin albert's b'day... and wells i left him a message in his voice mailbox so i really hope he heard it. hehe.

hm. yesterday was fun --- but filled with failures. lols. you'll know why. so yea i had math & english class... and of course classes were boring. i mean, for math-- i'm learning all the stuff i know (quadratic functions, inverse functions bleahx). and english class was dready somehow cos everyone wasn't in the mood to do anything. i was hungry and jeff, as usual, has no clue on what's going on. (that's the impression he gives me! sorry jeff =P) so school's pretty much like that...

oh, my mom sent me a package. and she got me a new cell phone! it's n7370. it looks very... china. at first i thought it'd look nice... but now that i look at it it really looks like it came out of chinatown! and stupid me spent so long transferring over the phone numbers from my n7610 to the new phone, without realizing that actually it can be done in a few clicks. damn.

after that don came over to my place, and i cooked for him 'failure spaghetti'. lols. actually to tell the truth it's because i was nervous, but of course it's also because i bought the wrong pasta sauce and yea... stuff like that. i don't know why i was nervous though, but it was then something clicked in my mind. and it made me feel really bad.

wells, actually the day before we promised to make sushi together for dinner. so we went to uwajimaya (if i'm not wrong...) and shopped for all the ingredients and equipment. so we had unagi, crab sticks, salmon, fish roe, soft-shell crab, mayo... and the list goes on. =P it was really fun! but of course we failed. BIG time. the tamago failed, the sushi rolls failed... ah heck i think the only successful thing we made is the salmon sushi cos all you have to do is press the rice onto it. but it was really fun! and we took pictures of it. hehee. but cos of that we had dinner at 10+pm. o wells.

--letter to myself.
actually, a lot of things have been going through my head. all the things that've happened since i got here. yeah it sounds exciting, fun, like a K-drama and stuff. but... what have i been doing to myself? i don't feel like my life is normal anymore. i feel like... i don't know how to explain it. about don... you know, it doesn't feel right that we're... not together. it's not that i want to go into another relationship again, i don't want to get into a relationship at this moment. but... i don't even know what i want. i like it the way it is now, but it doesn't seem right. i know nothing can ever be perfect but the other me'd constantly ask myself 'what am i doing?' i don't even know. if you say that i'm just going with the flow and i lack control of myself, i'll say no. i don't mind everything that's going on now. but it's just not right. it's not like i want this to end. no. i don't. i don't mind. in fact i kinda like it. it's just that it doesn't feel right. never mind.

--5.04pm
don... read what i wrote this morning. and i really feel bad. he must be angry. i don't know. seems like. and it's making me feel worse. i don't know why i'm like this. and this emotion fills me up. why? he asked me if i like him. i don't. i don't know how to explain it. i don't like him now, t's just i'm scared i will. anyway i don't want to. cos i don't want to ruin the friendship we have now. it's perfect the way it is now. if i'd known i should've been open with my feelings all this while. i'm sorry.